(this made me feel better)

First girlfriend: made me feel bad because I didn’t cherish my family as much as her nor did I want to one day have five kids like her.

Second girlfriend: belittled me for once mispronouncing Lacoste and for owning only three pairs of shoes.

Third girlfriend: inspired guilt when I reacted to her occasional cognitive dissonance/depression with utter confusion and disbelief. Also, I was way worse at calculus.

Current squeeze: I feel bad because I say so many cusses around her and sleep the day away while she wakes at 5:00 AM to swim laps